How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk [Book Review]
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish is an enduring classic that equips parents with effective, compassionate tools to improve communication with their children.
Written in an accessible, conversational tone, it tackles challenges such as managing emotions, resolving conflicts, and fostering cooperation in ways that strengthen parent-child relationships.
Through relatable examples, role-playing exercises, and illustrations, the book emphasises practical techniques that help parents raise emotionally healthy, cooperative, and independent children.
One of the key takeaways from the book is the importance of validating a child’s feelings. For instance, instead of dismissing a child’s fear of the dark, the authors suggest parents acknowledge the emotion by saying, “It’s scary to be in the dark when you can’t see what’s around you.” This approach shows empathy and helps children feel understood, fostering a deeper sense of trust.
Another significant lesson is replacing punishment with problem-solving, encouraging parents to involve their children in finding solutions to issues, like messy rooms or sibling fights, rather than imposing consequences that might breed resentment.
The book also provides techniques for giving clear instructions. Rather than nag or yell, the authors propose descriptive communication, such as saying, “Your towel is on the floor and needs to go back on the rack”, instead of, “Why do you always leave your towel lying around?” Such shifts in phrasing reduce defensiveness and lead to better cooperation.
Beyond its contents, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk has grown into a global phenomenon, inspiring workshops that allow parents to practice these skills in real-life scenarios. These workshops have created a supportive community of parents working to apply the authors’ time-tested methods.
Community Ambassador; as someone who was raised in a rather privileged family, I hope to address the inequity in educational outcomes based on the circumstance of birth. Bounced around between Australia and Singapore a fair bit.
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