No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

Janet Lansbury’s No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame is a refreshing and compassionate guide to parenting during the challenging toddler years. Drawing from the principles of respectful parenting championed by Magda Gerber, Lansbury provides practical advice on handling tantrums, defiance, and boundary-setting while maintaining a strong parent-child connection. Her philosophy is rooted in treating toddlers with the same respect we expect for ourselves, which encourages cooperation and trust rather than fear-based obedience.

One of the book’s key messages is that toddlers are not intentionally misbehaving to frustrate parents; they are simply testing boundaries and learning how the world works. Lansbury emphasizes the importance of staying calm and confident when setting limits. Instead of reacting with anger or punishment, she encourages parents to acknowledge their child’s feelings while maintaining firm and consistent boundaries. This approach helps toddlers feel secure, knowing that their parents are in control without resorting to yelling or shaming.

Lansbury’s advice is filled with real-life scenarios that help parents navigate common discipline challenges, such as hitting, whining, and resisting bedtime. She explains that these behaviours are normal developmental stages and offers practical, respectful ways to guide children through them. For example, instead of scolding a child for throwing a toy, she suggests calmly stating, “I won’t let you throw that,” while redirecting them to a more appropriate activity. This simple yet effective approach fosters understanding and emotional regulation.

Lansbury warns against using time-outs, punishments, or rewards to manipulate behaviour, as these methods can undermine a child’s intrinsic motivation and self-worth. Instead, she advocates for open communication and natural consequences that help children develop self-discipline and resilience. Parents who implement her strategies often find that their children become more cooperative and emotionally secure over time.

No Bad Kids is thus an invaluable resource for parents looking to discipline their toddlers with patience, respect, and understanding. By focusing on clear communication, firm but gentle boundaries, and emotional validation, Lansbury provides a roadmap for raising confident, well-adjusted children without resorting to fear-based discipline. This book is a must-read for any parent struggling with the chaos of toddlerhood and seeking a more peaceful, respectful approach to parenting.